lily
by darveyavenue
Summary: 'She would love to move back, of course she would. She couldn't feel more at home in New York and the thought of raising her daughter here had crossed her mind a million times. But so had the thought of running into him. And she most definitely could not have that. Then again, maybe after this week...' Darvey AU set 4 years after Season 4. TW/ mild themes of domestic violence.
1. chapter one - lily

_**A/N: **__hey hey hey!__this is my first fic so please don't judge! i'm just starting out so fingers crossed there will be some improvements over time. i've felt lost over the last few months without my regular wednesday cosy up with my favourite characters so hopefully this will help me as well as some of you. _

_this is gonna be a multichap, starting around three years after s4 so let's see how this goes. the biggest thank you to ruth ( popexpaulsen) for encouraging me to post and helping me out with the finishing touches. also check out her fics, they're amazing!_

_lots of love and please let me know what you think!_

_tia x_

**chapter one - lily**

'Momma!'

A tangled mess of auburn curls ran towards her, big brown eyes beaming and an all too familiar smile grinning up at her.

'Hi sweetheart! How was school?'

'Amazing! But look Momma I painted this for you!'

Her daughter held up a sheet of paper with three redheaded figures on and a whole load of colourful love hearts.

'That's beautiful darling, is that me, you and Nana?'

'Yep! We drew family portraits today.'

Donna gulped, knowing what was coming.

'I was gonna draw my dad too but I don't know what he looks like.'

She tucked a stray curl behind her daughter's ear, contemplating how best to go about this.

'He has your smile.'

'That's nice.' She beamed up at her mother, with that same grin. Although Donna had done her best to escape from him, he was everywhere around her.

'I still wish I could see him though.'

'I know baby, I know.'

The questions about her father had been occurring more and more frequently and Donna had become an expert in dodging them.

'Hey, what do you say to a movie night tonight?'

'Movie night! Yes please!'

'Perfect! Let's go home, Lily.'

* * *

Since leaving New York just under four years ago, Donna had moved a total of three times. Once to her parents' house in attempts to escape Harvey Specter, again in Connecticut and then a third time for a fresh start in California.

Her mother, Clara had joined her and Lily in their new LA apartment, following the passing of her husband and helped Donna as much as she could with balancing childcare and her job.

Losing her dad had hit Donna pretty hard on top of everything else, but the birth of Lily had allowed her to focus only on her daughter and raising her. Lily, although an unexpected arrival, was definitely not unwanted and Donna had taken to motherhood as well as she did anything else.

And although, as the years went on, she was always growing further from her life back home in New York, one look at her daughter would bring her straight back to the past she ever so quickly left behind.

'Donna? What's wrong?'

Her mother's voice rocked her out of her daze.

'Lily was asking about her dad again yesterday.'

'Oh honey, you knew the questions were going to come at some point.' Clara answered, shuffling onto the couch and wrapping a comforting arm around her daughter.

'I know, I just thought I'd have more time to figure things out.'

'Like telling Harvey?' Her mom gave her a knowing glance.

'Like telling Harvey.' She sighed.

'He needs to know Donna.'

'Mom, I haven't spoken to the man in years. I don't think knocking on his door out of the blue and announcing he's the father of a three-year old little girl is the best idea!'

'All the same darling, he deserves to know.'

'I know.'

'How about you stay here? I'll go pick Lily.'

'Thanks Mom.'

Donna had become pretty experienced in avoiding Lily's questions about her dad but as she was getting older, it was becoming more and more difficult. She'd created a haven for herself and her family here in California, safe and hidden from all of the old pain and heartbreak.

But with her mother's words ringing round her head, she knew it was only a matter of time before the glass of their little world shattered and reality would come seeping back in again.

Lost in thought, Donna hadn't heard the buzzing of the doorbell. Her mom must have forgotten her keys again.

Opening the door, her heart stopped.

'Rachel?!'

'Donna! Oh my god, it's so good to see you!' Rachel grinned, pulling her best friend in for a long overdue hug.

'You too Rach! But what are you doing here?'

'I've been having such an awful day. The airline lost my luggage, the lawyer from the other side didn't even show up to the meeting and then my hotel cancelled on me! I know you said I was always welcome with you so I figured…'

Rachel stopped noticing the worried look on Donna's face.

'Donna what's wrong? You do remember I told you about my case in Los Angeles?'

Donna had become increasingly aware that the arrival of her mum and daughter could happen any time now. She had to get rid of Rachel.

'Nothing's wrong. It's just my cleaner is about to arrive any minute now so it's probably best that we head out for a while to give her some space.'

'Of course, no problem! We can grab dinner if you want?'

'That sounds perfect Rach, let me just grab my phone and…' Donna was stopped by the sound of the key in the door and her daughter bounding down the hall towards her.

'Momma! Momma! Look what we did today at school!'

* * *

'Oh my god Donna, you have a daughter?! How could you keep her from us?!'

Clara had taken Lily into her room, leaving Donna to deal with the fallout of a surprised, and upset Rachel.

'I'm so sorry Rach, I didn't know what to do. The test was positive and I got scared and I left. New York and the firm and everything back home had gotten too much. I needed a fresh start.'

'I get that Donna but you could have come to me. I could have helped you!'

'I know. It was just…' She trailed off, struggling to find the right word.

'Easier?'

'Easier.'

'I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone.' Rachel said, stroking the back of her friend's hair and calming her down.

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.'

'Is she his?'

Donna broke down all over again, confirming Rachel's suspicions.

'Is everything ok, Momma?' Hearing all of the commotion, Lily had poked her head around the corner of the living room door.

Donna quickly wiped away her tears and waved her daughter over to sit on her lap.

'Of course, sweetheart but I want you to meet someone very special to you. This is your Aunt Rachel.'

'Really?!'

Rachel's eyes welled up with tears at the sight of Lily's delight.

'My momma has told me so much about you, Aunt Rachel! She says that you are her bestest friend in the whole entire universe!'

'Well I could say the same about her! Your mom is incredible, but not as incredible as her daughter!'

Lily erupted into laughter as her and Rachel began to talk about her day at school.

* * *

Rachel and Donna's evening had consisted of catching up on everything and nothing. Whilst the two had still been in contact since Donna had left New York, there was clearly a lot that Rachel had missed out on and she'd spent the rest of the day getting to know the mini Paulsen that had been hidden away for so long.

'Donna you know you're going to have to tell him. He deserves to know.'

'I know.'

'Speaking of, my visit wasn't totally unplanned. While I was here, I wanted to ask you to be my maid of honour!'

'Are you serious? You and Mike are finally tying the knot?!'

'He made a promise to me before he left for Danbury and I think it's finally time for him to make an honest woman out of me!'

'That's amazing Rach! Congrats! You know nothing would make me happier than being your maid of honour!' Donna said, reaching over to give her best friend a hug.

'I'm so glad! But Donna, you know he's gonna be there, right?'

'I know.'

'You know you need to tell him.'

'Well I'm gonna have to have to do it at some point, aren't I?'

* * *

'Woah Momma! Look outside!'

Donna, her mum, Lily and Rachel were just about to touch down into New York, a city Donna had vowed never to set foot in again but was the only place she could ever truly call home. Her mum and Lily were planning to spend the week at her parents place upstate whilst she would stay at her old apartment, in preparation for Mike and Rachel's wedding.

Lily was besotted by the New York skyline, in all its twinkling glory and Donna couldn't help but picture herself watching her daughter fall asleep to the sounds of the city every night. She would love to move back, of course she would. She couldn't feel more at home in New York and the thought of raising her daughter here had crossed her mind a million times. But so had the thought of running into him. And she most definitely could not have that. Then again, maybe after this week…

* * *

'I promise I will call you every single morning and every single night and any time you want in between, ok? Just think of this as a wonderful adventure you get to spend with Nana! And I'll be back before you know it!'

Donna was cradling Lily in her arms, trying to make the idea of them being apart for a week sound enjoyable but with little luck.

'Why can't I stay with you?' Lily cried between sobs.

'Momma's got some things to sort out but I promise as soon as they're done, you can come right back up and we'll go for ice cream and pizza and go to Central Park like you've always wanted!'

'And go ice skating?!' Lily had suddenly perked up at the thought of skating in the snow.

'Of course, sweetheart. I'll see you soon ok?' One last hug and then she was off to meet him. One last hug just the two of them. 'I love you sweetheart.'

'Love you too Momma!'

* * *

'Does he know I'm coming?'

'Nope I didn't say a thing! Think of how surprised and happy he's going to be Donna!'

'Surprised, yes. Happy, I'm not so sure.'

Donna and Rachel were on their way up to the firm in the elevator. Rachel was squeezing onto her best friend's hand in an unsuccessful attempt to relax her. Donna was petrified. This was the moment she had been dreading for the past three years. She had been hiding from this exact scenario and here she was chasing right after it.

The elevator doors flung open and she was greeted with the marble floors she knew all too well. The lobby had stayed pretty much the same, minus the silver lettering on the back wall which now read 'Specter Litt Wheeler Williams'. God would they ever stop changing it.

As they started down the corridor towards his office, each step Donna found her stomach tightening more, her body aching.

'Rachel, I don't think this is a good idea. You know, maybe it's just better we see each other at the wedding rather than now. I really don't think-'

She stopped as they turned the corner. There he was sitting in his office. His hair a little more grey, the bags under his eyes a lot heavier, but the same smile. Always that smile. His shoulders were drooped and he seemed so different. He was only a few feet away from her but he seemed so distant from the man she used to know.

Except clearly not everything had changed. He was still the same womanizer she remembered him as. A stunning blonde was sitting on his left, leaning over the table as they poured over some documents. He obviously hadn't missed her too much.

She spun around, rushing for a way out. How stupid had she been thinking he would wait for her? After all, she was the one who had left. He was free to be involved with whoever he wanted. But why did it hurt so much?

'Donna! Donna, wait!'

'You didn't tell me he had a girlfriend, Rach.'

'Girlfriend? What? No, oh god no, that was Samantha Wheeler, the new named partner! Trust me, it is nothing romantic at all.'

But she couldn't focus on Rachel's words. Her eyes were locked with his. He was so confused, so relieved, so… happy. Harvey Specter. Her Harvey.

'Donna?'


	2. chapter two - our usual place

_**A/N: **__hiya! it's been a bit of a while since the last one and super sorry it's taken me so long but as we all know, life gets crazy and minds go blank! _

_massive thank you for such a lovely welcome into the ff world and i've loved reading all your reviews. they mean the absolute world! also thank you always to ruth _(popexpaulsen) _for being the absolute sweetheart that she is and for always helping me out!_

_this one is pretty dialogue heavy and i'm still working on my description skills so bear with me! also mad writer's block at the moment!_

_that's all from me! hope you enjoy angels!_

_tia x_

**chapter two - our usual place**

'Donna?'

'Harvey.'

His glassy eyes mirrored hers as they stared open mouthed at each other, making sure the other was really standing so close to them. He took her in, drowning in her auburn curl-hazel eyed beauty. Her hair was much longer and wavier than she used to wear it, but still strikingly red as always, and he revelled in her casual attire of blue jeans, black turtleneck and tan coat. This woman looked like his Donna, but seemed so far from the version he used to know.

'Donna. You're here.'

'I am.'

She shook her head at him, laughing away all the previous anxiety and going to pull him in for a hug except his body stayed frozen as she wrapped her arms around him. Her eyes wandered up as she suddenly began to feel uncomfortable again. His gaze was ice cold as he moved out of her grip and stepped back, putting so much more than a few steps between them.

'Harvey?'

He turned, pacing aggressively towards his office, a bewildered Donna hot on his tail.

'Well are you coming in?!' He snapped, slamming the door behind Donna as she entered and whipping his head round to face her.

'So, what you're back for good now? Or are you just staying for the wedding and then fucking off to god knows where?'

She shrunk back. She'd never seen him like this. Even his mother had never made him this angry.

'You know I really appreciated you leaving me high and dry. You don't say goodbye, you don't call, you disappear for four years. Four goddamn years Donna, and what?! You expect things to be exactly how you left them? You expect me to fall back into your arms?'

'Harvey, I-'

'You what, Donna? You're sorry? Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to walk through those doors? To tell me that you made a mistake? To tell me that the night we spent together meant as much to me as it did you? To tell me that you loved me?'

Her heart stopped. He had lost his entire world and been locking away his feelings for the past four years and suddenly it had all come out to the one person he'd never thought he'd see again. The love of his life.

'Harvey.' She walked over to where he was sitting on the edge of his desk, catching his breath. Her hand graced his cheek and she tilted his head up towards hers.

'I know I was awful to you, Donna. I was so slow to accept my feelings towards you for years, no wonder you hate me so much. But after that night, I was ready. I thought it was finally going to happen for us. So, where did you go?'

His voice was hushed and tiny when he asked the question. He wasn't angry anymore, no, this was a man that had been utterly heartbroken for three years. And he was saying all the right things.

'Hate you? Harvey, I could never hate you.' And she was right. He'd given her the most important person in her life: her daughter. If anything, she loved him even more because of that.

'Harvey, I'm so sorry I left you. I just had to get out. Everything here was all too much. I wanted more.'

'But why couldn't you have more in New York?'

'Because-'

This was it. She had to tell him.

'Because what? Because you got scared!' He yelled. Harvey was desperate now, the questions he'd had for so long could be answered by the woman standing in front of him with all the answers, yet she was still hiding.

'Yes Harvey I got scared and ran away and then-' Donna trailed off, not knowing how to approach the subject of the secret three-year old daughter they shared.

'And then what?!'

'Then, I decided there was more to life than working in corporate law!'

'What?'

She was just as confused as he was, but she had to stick with it now.

'I, I just felt that if I stayed here, I would never follow my dreams of acting. And always being around you made me feel like I couldn't leave this job and the firm so I had to say goodbye to everything.'

'Donna, you know I would have left all this behind to come with you.'

'I'm sorry.'

'I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me.'

She looked up at him, remembering how in her flats, he was much taller than her. He stared back and felt the tugging of a grin as she began to smile back at him. They were really here in front of each other, after so long.

'Is it ok if we hug?' She asked, testing the waters.

'Always.'

She had missed the safety being in his arms so much, his nose tickling her forehead as she breathed him in his smell. He held so tight, so afraid he might ever lose her again, mumbling into her hair about how much he'd missed her.

'Harvey would you stop flirting with your secretary a minute so we can get to our goddamn deposition?'

Louis's voice broke their spell and then turned to see him at the door, briefcase in hand and a temper evident on his face, with Donna and Harvey waiting for him to clock onto the fact that his friend had been MIA for the last four years.

'Wait a second, Donna?!'

'And there it is!' Harvey grinned.

'Oh my god!' Louis exclaimed, rushing into Donna's arms for a hug.

'How are you, Louis?' She said in a midst of laughs.

'I'm good, great but Donna how have you been?' He asked, concern written all over. He understandably had a lot of questions as did most of the people she'd left behind.

'Look Donna, as much as we'd love to stay and chat, Louis is right. We need to get to our deposition.' Harvey said, leaning in closer to her to add 'But what do you say to a catch up dinner later at our usual place?''

She smirked at the tickle of his nose against her ear. It was an unusual feeling but one that was definitely not unwanted.

'I say pick me up later, usual time.'

* * *

'Wait so he pretended to be you in front of a client.'

'Yep, he wore his Harvey wig and everything.'

'His what what?'

'His Harvey wig.'

'Oh my god!'

Donna and Harvey were sitting at their usual table in Del Posto in fits of laughter catching up on all things Specter Litt Wheeler Williams, she'd finally managed to remember the name now. And my god had she missed a lot: Jessica leaving, new senior partners and about a thousand different variations of the firm name.

'I've missed this.' He smiled into his glass, eyes sparkling up at her.

'Pretty sure we've never spoken about Louis's Harvey wig before.'

'Seriously Donna I missed talking to you, I missed you.'

Her mouth parted slightly, revelling in the new found honesty Harvey had been displaying ever since she saw him this morning.

'Since when have you been so openly emotional?'

'I've been seeing Dr Lipschitz.' He dropped his gaze, unsure of her reaction.

'Louis's therapist?'

Therapy. Her leaving had lead him to therapy. Granted he'd had a lot of unresolved issues anyway but Donna couldn't help but feel the overwhelming guilt as he continued.

'Yeah after you left things,' He hesitated, struggling how to approach the subject and noticing her shifting in her seat. 'Things weren't great and Louis recommended him to me.'

'I'm proud of you Harvey.'

'Therapy was really good when everything-'

'I'm so sorry about your mom.'

HIs eyes shot up with the same amazed look he wore every time she still managed to surprise him.

'How did you-?'

'I'm Donna, I know. You ok?'

'I missed that. And yeah I will be.'

He smiled sadly at her.

'I also know that you saw her before everything. I'm so happy you made things right with your mother.'

'I guess you leaving hit me harder than I realised. I needed to make things right with at least one person in my life.'

'Look at you the great Harvey Specter gone all soft. It's a good look on you.'

He laughed back at her and she watched his face crinkle up, eyes ablaze with joy. This evening had been exactly what she needed. She'd spent the last four years contemplating how, if ever, she was going to approach the father of her child, her ex boss, her friend, and ultimately deciding it was a bad idea. Yet here she was, two feet away from the man who'd held her heart for so long, knees silently touching underneath the table, her hand often reaching out for his arm. This level of physical contact was new and undiscovered territory for them. Sure, they'd bump arms, brush fingers every once in a while, but here it was almost always, like they were afraid to let go of one another once again. And she liked reminding herself of the safety of his touch.

'So you've been keeping tabs on me then?' Harvey smirked, trying to catch her out.

'Something like that.' She smiled back. They'd been doing a lot of that today, smiling at each other.

'Something like that.' He laughed. 'How did you find out anyway?'

'Marcus told me.'

Silence.

'What?' He choked on a breath he didn't know he was holding.

'I spoke to Marcus and he told me what had happened.' She was being too honest and she knew it.

'So you've called my brother but you didn't have the decency to call me?'

'He called me Harvey. The man's mother had just died! What was I supposed to do hang up? I'm sorry, sorry I didn't mean to-' Donna stuttered, reaching her hand out to his arm.

'It's ok.'

'Wait he called you? How the hell did he get your number?'

'Mike asked Rachel to give it to him.' It came out before she realised the impact of her words and all of a sudden he was retreating from her touch again.

'Let me get this straight, Mike, Rachel and my brother all knew where you were this whole time.' He tried hard to get the words out but she could still hear the falter in his voice.

'Harvey-'

'I don't believe this. Donna if you didn't want to be a part of my life you could have just told me!'

'It's not like that.'

'Something's wrong and I don't know what it is but something is wrong with you. So what is it?'

'I can't-'

'You can't tell me! All this bullshit about acting Donna, you don't think I know that was a lie. I know when you're lying to me.'

'Well you didn't know for twelve years!' Donna shouted back, grabbing her coat and storming out.

She was right. As usual she was right. Coming back to this city was a bad idea. Seeing him again was a bad idea. She was better off being miles away from the chaos of everything related to Harvey Specter. Miles and miles away from Harvey Specter, she thought as she weaved in and out of the maze of people and umbrellas, until she was met with glistening brown eyes.

'I'm sorry, Donna, I'm sorry. Please don't leave. Please don't leave me again.'

She pulled Harvey in for a hug as he whispered it over and over again into her hair. And they stood there, in the middle of the New York night, their tears getting lost in the rain pouring down on them.


	3. chapter three - work with me again

_**A/N: **__hey hey! it's been forever and i'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get back into this. had major writer's block over the past month and a lot going on so this one's pretty short but i'm finally super excited to get back into writing this fic as well as a few others that i've got planned!_

_thank you all for still sticking with me and to all the people that have shown love to me and this story! and another big thank you to ruth as always and victoria for reading through this for me. also huge shoutout to my gal__ charlotte for encouraging me to post the next chapter and being my fic's biggest fan!_

_mad love to you all and enjoy my angels !_

_tia x_

**chapter three - work with me again**

The next week was a whirlwind. Days were spent visiting the firm she had previously vowed never to set foot in again, befriending new employees Alex and Samantha and lunches with Louis or Rachel. Evenings consisted of Facetime calls with her daughter and usually dinner and wine with the almost newlyweds, who adored having their best friend back in their life.

And Harvey. Well, things with Harvey were complicated to say the least. They spent almost every second they could together consisting of stolen moments and fingertip touches. After spending so long apart, they were finding it impossible to keep their hands off each other, doing everything but that. But they ultimately found their way back to arguing about their past mistakes. After all, so much had happened and so much had still been unspoken between them.

Which is where they were now. In another classic screaming match.

'You fucking left me Donna!' He jumped up from the couch.

'How many times do you want me to apologise?' She shouted back, through tears.

She'd been visiting Rachel at the firm as usual, and Harvey had offered her a drink back at his place, a bold move on his part but one she appreciated nonetheless. They'd drunk glass after glass to a background soundtrack of Miles Davis but she'd said something in passing that he'd taken the wrong way and here they were yelling at each other in his apartment.

'I don't, I don't know what to do ok.' She cried, holding her palms on her forehead, 'Ok, Harvey, I've said I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to do!'

'It's just, I'm scared Donna. Every single time you walk out that goddamn door I think you're not coming back.' He shouted back, his voice catching slightly from the tears forming.

It was so unlike them, to be so emotionally open in front of each other. But old rules had gone out the window because she was here and he was right in front of her, and they'd wasted so much time that now all she wanted was to be in his arms again.

'I'm here now.' She whispered.

She leaned forward to grab his arm, but he pulled away at the sign of comfort.

'Are you? You've had one foot out the door this entire week.' He yelled. 'What's gonna happen here? We've been spending almost every single minute of every day with each other but nothing's happened.'

'What, you mean we haven't had sex? We haven't kissed yet? Cos if that's what you're looking for Harvey, you can goddamn forget it.' She snapped, instantly regretting her words after she saw the hurt look in his eyes.

'That's not what I mean and you know it.'

And she knew. She'd been throwing any kind of excuse at him, terrified he would somehow uncover the truth. And he deserved the truth. More than anything, he deserved to know the truth.

'Come back home, work with me again.'

She scrunched her brow at the change of subject.

'I don't want to be your secretary again, Harvey.'

'I'm not talking about that. Come and be COO of the firm.'

Her heart stopped.

'Seriously Donna, I've been sorting a few things out and I think it could really work.'

'I don't think that's a good idea.'

'Stop trying to push me away, Donna.' His voice cracked.

'Stop giving me reasons to! Stop forgiving me and then changing your mind again.'

'I'm so angry. I'm so tired of being angry at you. But I don't know how to stop.' He collapsed onto the couch.

'You have every right to be mad at me, Harvey.' She stroked the side of his face, tracing the faintest line of stubble. 'But if we're going to get past this, please you have to forgive me.'

Tears fell onto her forehead as he nodded his head into hers. He needed to forgive her. He needed them to be ok because more than anything, he needed her back in his life. And for good this time.

His hand snaked up to where hers lay on his cheek and he threaded their fingers together, her fingertips brushing his bottom lip.

'I like your hair like that.' He smiled up at her, twirling the fallen locks outside of her wavy ponytail.

'You like the ponytail, huh?' She smirked as she nestled closer into his side.

'Makes you look all mom-like.'

Donna prayed he hadn't felt her tense up and joined him in his laugh, attempting to sound as convincing as possible.

'Promise me you'll at least think about the job?'

'I promise.'

* * *

Donna sighed at the mess she'd somehow found herself in. She'd spent all night and all morning thinking about the position Harvey was offering her. She wanted this, a new life with the man she loved. The man who had been by her side almost all of her life was offering her a future. And she'd almost been ready to take it then and there. But the idea of introducing her energetic mini redhead to him had been whirring through her mind and that was one problem she didn't know how to fix.

'Donna, you ok?'

Louis's voice interrupted her thoughts, as she was sprung from her daydreaming, finding herself right in front of his office door.

'Yeah Louis I'm good, just a lot on my mind.' She smiled softly.

'Harvey spoke to you about the COO position.'

'How did you-?'

'Please, it's all he's been going on about since you've been back.' He smirked at her.

'I don't know what to do.' She sank down onto the couch, him following beside her.

Louis hesitated. It'd been a while since he'd seen his friend but he knew that something had certainly happened for her to utter those words.

'You'd be perfect for the role, you know that?'

'I'm just a secretary.'

'Donna, you and I both know that you've done more than be just a legal secretary since the day you got here. and you don't need to be a lawyer to be COO.'

She nodded at his comment. As much as Lily was a factor in all of this, she was also terrified of such a major career jump. She'd be good at it, of course she'd be good at it but it was so much bigger than anything she'd ever done before. And that scared her.

'It's a big decision, Louis. I'm gonna have to figure a few things out before I up and move my whole life again.'

'I take it Harvey is one of the things you need to sort out.' He gave her a knowing glance.

'Something like that.'

'Donna,' Louis started slowly. 'I'm not blaming you for leaving. Because god knows that man does enough to drive you away. but I've never seen him more miserable, more off his game than I have these last four years.'

'I didn't mean to hurt him.' Her voice unintentionally came out in a whisper.

'I know, just be careful with him. Don't break his heart.'

She nodded slowly. Louis had been there for all of it. He'd seen the fallout, he knew their history. But he'd also been there for Harvey after she'd left. And god knows he needed taking care of.

'Look at you two. I'm so proud of you both.'

'He needed a friend.' Louis smiled. 'But Donna, he wasn't good for a long time and if any part of you is having any doubts…'

'I'm not gonna leave again, Louis.'

She wasn't lying. She was home here and she definitely didn't want to spend a second without these people ever again, this week had shown her that much. She just needed to figure out how Lily would fit into the situation. And how to tell Harvey.

'And Louis,' She turned to face him on her way out. 'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'Taking care of him.'

* * *

She walked out of Louis's office, thoughts whirring around her mind. It was time. She needed to tell Harvey. More than anything, she wanted a relationship with him, she wanted them to be a family together.

Harvey was heading out of his office when she headed towards him.

'Hey, you ok?'

But she couldn't answer. Her voice was caught and her eyes stuck on the spot twenty feet in front of her. The sight of a man she thought she would never see again, let alone in the middle of Specter Litt Wheeler Williams shaking hands with Alex.

'Holy shit.'


	4. chapter four - connecticut

_**A/N: **surprise! i didn't want to leave you all high and dry for another month so posting this next chapter as i'm on my way to the airport! _

_i really wanted to explore more of donna's backstory in this one and show some of what she got up to in her four years away from new york._

_thanks obviously to my usual gals for the constant support and as always, let me know what you think!_

_thank you again for all the love!_

_this one's for charlotte!_

_tia x_

_p.s. can we just talk about what a bitch connecticut is to spell?!_

**chapter four - connecticut**

_Four years ago: Connecticut_

_It had been about 2 months since she'd been back in Connecticut. Donna had been renting an apartment nearby her parents and following her heartbreak over Harvey, she'd been busy distracting herself with an all-too familiar ex. Mark had been good to her when she first moved down and it was nice to reconnect with someone she felt comfortable with but after a while, the jealousy that had broken up their old relationship had been creeping its way back in…_

'_You thinking of going to see him, aren't you?'_

'_God Mark no, for the last time, I am not thinking of seeing Harvey.'_

'_What's up with you Donna? You've been acting different lately.'_

_The two were wrapped in one of their now regular heated arguments, which usually revolved around the same subject: Harvey Specter. Mark wasn't wrong: she had been all over the place. She was bound to be. After all it was her first trimester and her pregnancy hormones had been driving her insane. All that, on top of hiding morning sickness from Mark and the ever growing bump that was slowly starting to form._

'_Donna, seriously have been speaking to him? Is that why you're like this?'_

'_No Mark, I haven't spoken to Harvey since I left New York, like I told you yesterday, and the day before that…' She muttered under her breath, flicking the page of the book she was attempting to read._

'_What was that?' _

'_Nothing.' She sighed, glancing up at him. 'Look can we just sit down and talk about something else for once.'_

'_Ok.' He held up his hands in defeat, strolling over to her and stroking a hand on her cheek. 'I'm just worried about you, Donna.'_

'_I know. I know you mean well. It's just, I hate talking about him all the time.'_

'_Well how do you expect me to react? You run away from the love of your life into my arms and don't tell me what the hell happened between you two?' His voice started to raise, anger bubbling up again._

'_Mark, I told you I don't want to talk about him.' She retreated into the kitchen area, sensing his frustration._

'_Fucks sake Donna, why don't you open up to me?' _

'_You know I don't like opening up to people Mark!' _

'_I'm not people Donna! I'm your goddamn boyfriend!' He yelled, throwing a vase across the room and in her direction._

_Donna was used to his outbursts, and him throwing things but she was normally more on alert so subconsciously, she placed her hands on her stomach. Her mother's intuition was clearly kicking in. Big mistake._

_He stopped walking towards her, his wide-eyed gaze darting between her stomach and her eyes._

'_Oh my god. You're pregnant, aren't you?'_

_Donna replied by not meeting his eyes._

'_You're pregnant?!' _

'_It's not yours, Mark, so don't even think you have any control over this.' She said, regaining her confidence._

'_So it's his? You've been carrying Harvey fucking Specter's baby the entire time we've been together?'_

'_Thought you weren't the jealous type.' She shot back._

'_This isn't fucking funny Donna!'_

'_No that's exactly what this is. It's fucking hilarious.' She cried, starting to laugh and pace around. 'I've left my unknowing baby daddy back in New York and moved in with an ex-boyfriend who, let's face it, I'm not remotely interested in, all whilst being pregnant with, oh yeah, my ex boss's baby.'_

'_That's real mature Donna! Real mature!' He slammed his hands down on the counter. 'You know what why don't you back to fucking New York with your fucking baby and leave me the hell alone!'_

'_Yeah you know what maybe I should go!' She yelled, running up towards the bedroom, him hot on her tail._

'_Damn right you should go. Donna, where the hell did you think this relationship was going?'_

'_I don't know!' She shouted back, running her hands through her curls. 'Ok I don't know but for a few months I was able to forget everything back home and god Mark I needed that!'_

'_So you used me to do that?'_

'_Yeah you know what maybe I did. And maybe that makes me a shitty person but don't act so goddamn innocent.' She spat back._

'_What do you mean?'_

'_Oh come on Mark, you're still married, you still haven't got a divorce. We both knew you were going back to your wife at some point! I was just a distraction because you haven't been getting any action with her.' _

'_That's rich coming from a woman that slept with a married man for three months.' He threw back at her. _

'_Yeah and my god, was that the worst mistake I've ever made.' She shook her head at her own insanity._

'_No Donna, the worst mistake you've ever made is thinking that Harvey actually loves you.'_

'_Why do you think I left?!' Donna cried, flinging her hands up in the air and then stuffing the last top in her bag. _

'_Go on then Donna, leave again.'_

'_Happily.'_

* * *

Present Day: New York City

'Holy shit.'

Donna was standing at opposite ends of the hall from Mark, who was decked in a three-piece suit shaking hands with Alex. Her heart thudded against her chest from the sudden flood of memories into her mind. The yelling. The screaming. Her crying. His anger. God he was always so angry.

'What, what is it?' Harvey muttered, not lifting his gaze from the documents he was reading.

He could feel her breath quickening beside him and the lack of response made his eyes instinctively search hers.

'Donna, what is it?' He repeated worriedly.

He followed her gaze to the man at the end of the hall and sensing her discomfort, grabbed her hand, taking her to the file room and locking the door behind them.

'Donna, what's wrong? Who was that?!' He spun round to face her, his voice full of concern.

'Mark.'

'Mark?'

'My ex-boyfriend Mark.' She whispered, her lip trembling.

'Donna,' He started carefully. 'I need you to tell me what happened.'

'What?' She looked up at him, her arms wrapped around herself.

'You're upset, you're shaking, you're scared so please I'm asking, what did he do to you?' He breathed, running a hand slowly along her arm, which instantly slowed her breathing.

'We started seeing each other when I left.' She hesitated, sensing him shift at the mention of her being with another man. 'Don't worry, it wasn't anything serious. It was just…'

'Sex.' He coughed, his eyes fixated on his shoes

'Yes. But he meant nothing.' She replied, lifting his chin up to meet his eyes. 'It was just a distraction.'

'So what happened?'

'He has a bad temper and there was shit I did that annoyed him and-' She trailed off as she watched the anger begin to rise inside him.

'And what?'

'He got pissed.' She muttered.

'How pissed?' He clenched his teeth, afraid to hear her next words.

'Very.'

The realisation hit Harvey and all of a sudden he found himself rushing towards the door, a mouthful of profanities tumbling out of him.

'Harvey, this isn't another Stephen situation you can't hit him!'

Her shout stopped him in his tracks.

'Why not?'

'Because I left him! It's done and it's over and this will bring it all back so please just let it go!'

Her cry broke him and more than anything, Harvey wanted to grab the man and slam him into the glass windows of the firm but he couldn't do that to her.

'How could he do this, Donna? How could he do that to you?'

'Because he got jealous. All the time.'

'Jealous of what?'

'Of you! Because it's always you! They're always jealous of you!'

The comment knocked all the energy out of her and she dropped down against the filing cabinet.

Harvey slowed his breath down and began to move slowly, finding his place next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

'I'm sorry you had to go through that.'

She hummed in response.

'I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you.' He breathed.

She whipped around to face him. How could he think this was his fault? Staring into his glassy eyes that mirrored hers, she could see how frightened he was at the thought of someone laying a finger on her in that manner. How he thought that it was all his fault because all though she's the one that left, he'd been the one to drive her away.

'Wait weren't you on your way somewhere?'

'Yeah but it doesn't matter, you're more important.'

He was saying all the right things. Everything she ever wanted to hear.

'Harvey, what was it?'

'Court.'

'Court!' Her eyes grew wide. 'We've been sitting here for over half an hour! Why didn't you say anything?'

'Like I said, you're more important.' He whispered, kissing her forehead that rested upon his chest. 'I just want you to be safe.'

'What, and this doesn't feel safe to you?' She smirked up at him whilst her fingers toyed with his.

'Feels like home.' His fingers stroked along the crook of her neck as he began to ever so slightly bring his face closer to hers.

'You should get to court.' She exhaled, picking herself up from off the floor.

'Are you gonna be ok?'

'I'll be fine. I'm Donna.' She replied with a shrug of a shoulder. 'Plus he'll be gone now.' She added trying to calm his worry.

'I'll make sure we drop him as a client.'

'You don't have to- '

'Yes I do.' He held her gaze.

'Thank you, Harvey.' She smiled.

He pulled her into his arms, softly breathing into her hair.

'I told you I'd never let anything happen to you. And I won't ever.'

That was it. She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take the cautiousness and the waiting and the 'doing everything but that'. She couldn't take feeling so close to him but still not quite enough.

Leaning back from his chest, she looked into his darkened eyes and knew this was it. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her hand cradling his head and stroking his hair. Soft lips brushed against his as they danced in a routine they might as well have been doing for years. She tasted like heaven and strawberries and whipped cream and he revelled in the reminder of what it felt like to be kissing Donna Paulsen.

'I love you.'


	5. chapter five - modern day cinderella

**_A/N: _**_ hey hey hey! first of all i didn't realise it was so long since i last posted so sorry for leaving u high and dry for a bit! also thank u for the continuous love for this story. your reviews and support mean so much to me and i hope you're enjoying reading this as much as i am writing it. this chapter whipped itself up in my head back in january and here it finally is._

_big love as always to ruth and victoria for helping me out. and to my angel charlotte for her constant love for this fic!  
_

_sending love to all of u at the moment and make sure you're all staying safe. hope this can help be a little escape for u!_

_tia x_

p.s. there's a lot of face touching in this chapter. i do not recommend that lol. wash ur hands :)

**chapter five - modern day cinderella in green**

It had been a week since Harvey had told her he loved her again. And they dealt with it like they did everything else. She ran away scared, they swept it under the carpet and he only agreed because he was terrified of the possibility of losing her again. They danced around the subject in the ever so familiar routine and tried to carry on as normal, whatever that meant for them this time.

Mike and Rachel's wedding was fast approaching as was the ever-looming prospect of revealing her secret. But right now, she wouldn't worry about that, right now she would just focus on getting ready with Rachel.

'Harvey's gonna die when he sees you!' Rachel squealed, adding the finishing touches to her best friend's make up.

Louis had been in charge of organising a charity gala on behalf of the firm and in his typical Louis fashion, of course it was going to be extravagant.

'And what makes you think I'm wearing this for Harvey?' Donna smirked back.

'Oh, you're not. You're wearing it for you. Harvey's jaw dropping on the floor is just a bonus.' Rachel giggled.

'Rach I'm not looking to get laid.'

'Oh god no! That would result in another secret child.' Mike chipped in, poking his head round the bedroom door.

'Are you two done?'

'You kidding? We've got a ton of these.' Mike smiled.

'Seriously Donna,' Rachel tilted her hand. 'It's been two weeks already. You need to tell Harvey about Lily.'

'I know.' She muttered, trying to ignore their stares 'And I will. But tonight, I just want to relax.'

'Ok well, do it quickly. Or else you'll have the next kid to worry about too!' Mike grinned, dodging the pillow Donna threw in his direction.

* * *

Red velvet curtains and sparkling chandeliers greeted her as she made her towards the staircase leading to the dance floor. Louis had really outdone himself, but then again, she wasn't surprised. Arm in arm with Rachel and Mike, she was practically beaming. This is exactly what she needed to get her mind off everything. Plus, the alcohol on the way here might have a hand in calming her nerves.

A sea of suits and evening gowns lay out before her as she searched for one face in particular. It didn't take her long and of course, she was met with a classic Harvey Specter grin. He'd been watching her. He'd spotted her as soon as she entered. How could he not? Head to toe in an emerald green fabric, that hung exactly where she knew it needed to, with silver heels and clutch to match. She looked goddamn breath-taking. And she knew it.

Donna hadn't seen Harvey since those three words stumbled out of his mouth but watching him at the base of the staircase, all decked out in a tux, she knew the other night would be forgotten about. At least for now.

'You know you wore that colour at our first gala.' He grinned, wrapping an arm around her back.

She feigned shock. 'What, you really think it's a coincidence?'

'It's my favourite colour on you.'

'I know.' She laughed playfully, the hint of alcohol catching his nose.

'Donna?' He whispered in her ear and she hummed in response. 'How much did you drink on the way here?'

'How did you know?!' She gasped, earning a laugh from Mike and Rachel who were looking on.

'Have fun, you two!' Her best friend smirked at her.

'Not too much fun. Harvey, we want her back by midnight.' Mike called after, tapping at his watch, as Harvey and Donna disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

He felt a hand on his shoulder blade. It was obvious who it was. He would be a fool not to remember the way her breath sounded.

'Thank you for looking after me tonight, Harvey. It's been a while since I've gotten that drunk.'

'What, California Donna doesn't go hard?'

'Oh, she's got enough on her plate.' She mumbled, instantly regretting it.

'What do you say?' She smiled, diverting the conversation extending out her hand to his as a waltzy tune began to play in the background.

'Don't mind if I do.' He grinned back, following the pull of her hand to the dance floor.

They were playing dangerously but the feel of him leading them across the floor, the fabric of her dress pooling around her feet as he twirled her. It was moments like these that they never needed words. The physical contact was usually so rare for them that they drowned in only that. His fingers glided across her back, making the most of her open backed dress and her head rested perfectly in his neck. He hummed into her ear, singing the chorus in her ear, his breath warm and tickling.

Donna found herself dreaming of late winter nights snuggled into his side, fingers laced together of cold walks through snowy New York. Hot sweaty summer days, her in a summer dress and him in his shorts headed for a day at the beach and makeouts in the ocean. Evenings spent with home cooked meals, binge watching whatever ridiculous show he'd managed to coerce her into watching. A life with him felt so natural. They'd been millimetres away from just that their whole life. They just needed that little bit of a push to reach it.

It'd been so easy loving him from afar. But here he was in front of her, the real thing. She was wrapped in a fantasy forgetting about the daughter she'd left behind and drowning in the deep honey brown of his eyes. He was real and yet seemed so dreamlike. But with him standing right in front of her, moving his feet in sync with hers and holding her palms in his, it was so unknown. So she did the only thing she knew how. She ran. Away from him, away from the music, like a modern day Cinderella in green.

* * *

Her feet led her away to the roof of the building, finding comfort in the hidden skies of New York. God how had it all come back so quick? Falling in love with Harvey Specter was dangerous and chaotic and overwhelming but above all, it was the easiest thing she knew how to do. She'd been back by his side for just over two weeks and she already found herself completely and utterly in love with him. But then again, had she ever stopped?

She turned towards the sound of his footsteps, glassy eyes locking with his own. He looked almost as broken as she did.

'No.' She began shaking her head at him, her lip trembling.

'Yes.'

'We are not doing this.'

'The hell we aren't!' His voice roared. 'I can't go on like this. Every time we get close you run away. Why?'

She pulled her eyes away, instead shifting her focus to the sparkling skyline to distract herself from saying something she knew she shouldn't. She hated the reversal. He'd always been the one to run away. He'd always been the one to hide his feelings. He'd always been the one...

'Donna please.' Desperation hung in his voice, as he took her hands in his. 'Just talk to me. I thought it was Mark but you're still holding back.'

She shook her head, biting back the tears and trying to avoid his searching gaze.

'I'm scared Donna. I'm terrified you're gonna leave again.'

'I don't know how to do this! God Harvey, it was so much easier loving you from miles away!'

His eyes widened as the words tumbled out of her, the air and alcohol knocked out of him completely.

'You admit it then?' His voice wavered. 'You love me?'

'Of course, I love you, you idiot!' She cried, throwing her hands aimlessly.

'And I love you too! Like I told you! So why is this so hard for us?'

'There's something I'm not telling you.'

'No shit, Donna!'

'I need you to trust me. I need you to be patient with me because more than anything, I want us to be together. I want this, Harvey.' Her hand reached out, curling around his thumb as she lifted it up to her lips. 'I can tell you now. If you want to know, I'll tell you now.'

'Stop. Is it going to ruin this?'

'What?'

'Is it gonna create a problem for us? Cos if it is, don't tell me. Not yet.'

'Harvey-'

'Hear me out. If it's some secret life you've got hidden back in California, don't tell me. At least not yet.'

'I don't think that's a good idea.'

'Donna, at this point I don't care.' His face fell in his palms. 'I just wanna be with you.'

All the right things. He was saying all the right things. Lacing her arms around his neck, she knew. This was it, this right here was when they fell into place. Everything else would work itself but right now, she would revel in knowing that this was it. This was when they finally made it.

Her lips brushed against his in the softest of movements. He pulled back to meet her gaze and was met with glistening eyes and a gentle nod and that was all he needed.

'Take me home, Harvey.'


End file.
